Every January I come to a place of digging deeper. A time of reflection. I run through my mind all of the battles I endured within my heart from the previous year. I look deep into the hard places of my life…looking inward long enough to see where I struggle, where my heart needs mending and change.
I choose a word, one word that I feel God has placed on my heart to work on and pray over daily.
In 2011 the word was Fear
In 2012 it was Hope
In 2013 it was Trust
In 2014 it was Grace
And this year it is Joy.
One thing I’ve realized, entitlement has swiftly snuck into my life…quietly, and almost unknowingly.
We live in a world of entitlement.
We point our fingers at the world, sickened by it’s entitlement.
However, in all my honesty, while I point outward at the world I should be pointing inward at my own heart.
Joy can not pierce the soul of an entitled heart; and the more I pour out my entitlement the less likely I am to feel Joy. My sense of entitlement can take a day and strip it of the joy I awoke with in my heart.
In my entitlement, I faulter daily. I speak harsh words to my children and those closest to my heart. I wonder if I’m loving enough, giving enough, playing with my kids enough, extending my hand in gratitude enough…enough to make a difference in the little hearts I hold so dear. I want my “me” time because finding joy in the everyday routine of life is a mom’s struggle…at least for me it is. Entitlement sneaks in when my “me” time extends the amount of time I spend with those I love the most. I become overwhelmed when I look inward at the ugliness of my heart instead of upward.
This is when I have to hold strong to the truth that His grace covers my daily mistakes and blunders. It is in His amazing grace that He heals…despite my harshness, despite the daily damage I cause through my entitlement. His will withstands my blunders, my hurts, and my damaged heart; and In His faithfulness he brings about change. Change, of any kind, is hard; but change brings forth fullness in Christ. Through change He refines us, heals wholly, and grows us to be more like Him.
I have been given the gift to love my children… raising them up in the Lord. But, it is God who will guide and direct those little hearts to Himself. And it is God who will sift out the ugliness of my entitled heart so that I might pour more joy into my family.