Surviving a Week Alone

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Let’s chat a bit about the mission of single mommy-ism I was on this past week. First off, I have a new found love and respect for single moms and moms with multiple kids. I’ll leave the number to being generic because 2, 4, 6…let’s face it, when you have A CHILD who is
missing their dad,
crying at every chance they get;
and an almost 2 year old who eats dog poo and
licks light sockets
you might as well have a classroom full of kids.
Can I just say, when I was a teacher I could get my 22 six year olds to follow my every lead….
and While it did take 2 weeks of consistency and routine,
you better believe those kiddos knew what was expected of them.
I felt like by day 3 of my single mom adventure my voice was
turned off,
tuned out,
and spit at….unless I ….ladies? ….
raised my voice.
At which time, I would hear my five year old scold me for yelling at her. “Next time can you just ask me nicely. It really hurts my feelings and my ears when you yell like that mommy”
To which my response was…ladies? …
“I did! 3x!! in a nice voice. You looked at me but didn’t obey. If you don’t want me to yell then do what I ask the first time…when I ask nicely”.
Did my mom just speak from the heavens? She’s been gone for 17 years, but I swear she keeps saying things from up above!
You know it’s going to be one of those weeks when your five year old wakes up an emotional basket case. Here’s what we cried about this week…
-the iPad was broken …which, by the way, has been broken for the past 24 months
-I wouldn’t let her take the puppy out of his cage,
-she slept in her room by herself….she’s been doing this for the past 5 years. Did I mention she’s 5!
-I walked outside to throw trash away without telling her
– I put her little sister in the car first
– I let her cousins go down the stairs before her,
-I told her to brush her teeth
-I asked her to…
put on her shoes,
get her sister a shirt,
close the door while we were outside, put her art project away,
clean up her toys,
take a marble out of her bucket,
put a marble in her bucket,
get in the car to go get lunch,
get out of the car to eat lunch,
Need I say more?

Why is it that on days like this I feel completely useless, lost, and as if I accomplished nothing. By the end of most days this past week The house was a wreck, the puppy was still in his kennel, the kids were dirty, and Sonic acted as our “nutritious” dinner because I got the girls apples instead of fries.
I doubt I ministered to my children at all most days. I definitely didn’t play with them or shower them with love and praise.
I consider it an accomplishment that we genuinely said our prayers for daddy at night…and if I’m honest, that wasn’t even on my insisting. Sweet Presley reminded me most nights that we need to pray for daddy.
I sat in bed at night exhausted, thrilled for my husband, yet angry and jealous as well.
I felt I was sacrificing so much during the day that I had nothing left to give. I felt guilty for not enjoying my girls for the day,
for not playing with them,
for counting down the minutes until naptime and bedtime,
for laying on the couch and doing nothing but stare mindlessly at the tv…which was airing Dora the Explorer. Why is her voice SO LOUD!?!

I was so exhausted at night that I didn’t have the energy to read the Bible or worry about someone breaking in….
i welcomed it actually 🙂 and felt sorry for the person who tried.
I just threw up my 5 minute “Have mercy on me, Oh God” prayer.

But, Isn’t that enough sometimes? Isnt that all he requires of us from the beginning?
to cry out …
Save me!
Have mercy on me!
Extend Grace to me, Oh God.
and give me the strength to do the same to others….Especially those closest to me!

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3 thoughts on “Surviving a Week Alone

  1. Kristen Sowles

    Thank you for writing this! It’s exactly how I’ve been feeling even though my hubby isn’t out of town.

    Reply
    1. becca2004 Post author

      Lol…funny thing, my husband is back home and I am feeling the same as well. I think it’s the heat of the summer and the mission of motherhood.

      Reply
  2. Karin Larsen

    Love the honesty, the brokenness and the beauty that comes from both! It’s days like these that I fully appreciate our amazing mothers who put up with similar situations (for both of us!). You can bet your mom is sending down messages from heaven; I’m glad you can hear it! Love you friend. Love your beautiful documentation of these trying but amazing years.

    Reply

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