Remembering, “Next Year At This Time”….

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Sometimes those sleepless nights when you were a newborn seem like just yesterday….other times, they seem so far gone. Presley, I can’t believe you just turned 4 years old.  Hope, I love this stage of 9 month old “baby-ness.”  It was during this time last year that my pregnancy with you started becoming more difficult. I remember very distinctly trying to change my focus to what I would be holding in my arms “next year at this time.”  And here we are 🙂  “next year at this time.”

There have been several times in my life where God has spoken to me and my heart….where He has taught me things….things not to be forgotten. I think about those times….like the road I walked when my mom was sick; or the things I learned after she died….when God drew me in so close that His comfort and peace were consuming…overpowering. Although, it would take a healed heart to realize the depth of His comfort and peace that He poured out over me during that time.

I never want to forget the things I’ve learned in the most difficult moments of my life, but I also don’t want to forget the wonderful moments of my life where God has taught me more about His strengths than my weaknesses.  In life changing moments, God is there. He is visible to those who choose to see Him. He makes Himself seen in all our moments, but for me it’s easy to forget… and I don’t want to. So I write, journal, and document for the sake of remembering.

I can’t help but be reminded about the days your dad and I met. The way we met. The days we decided to start a family. It was a road where God taught me about His love, grace, and beauty. A time where He fulfilled my deepest desires. I believed He could and would…and He did.  There are so many things consuming my mind as I reflect back on our 4 year journey to starting a family and coming to this feeling that our family is now complete. I never want to forget the pain I felt in losing a pregnancy, the times when joyless hours consumed my days, and fear crept in. I always want to remember the wonderful blessings I discovered along the way to you two beautiful girls…the hope and overwhelming love I felt when I realized you were moments away from being in my life.

God shows us great things in good times and bad times so we must embrace both …or else we will be left with only feelings of grief, hopelessness, and pain. To avoid pain would be to miss out on God’s miraculous healing power where he reveals more of Himself than you would have otherwise known.

To think that timing is just luck or a coincident is nothing less than foolish. God created time 🙂 and in that, He created perfect timing wrapped up in His loving will. I am so thankful for you two girls.  I am so thankful that God’s timing is perfect and that our journey to the both of you was documented along the way. The moment I realized you were a girl, Presley. The story behind your name, Hope. This journey that is now forever written in our hearts.

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2 thoughts on “Remembering, “Next Year At This Time”….

  1. Karin Larsen

    We don’t live near enough to each other, Becca, and it kills me, but when I read blog posts like this, I’m just floored at how God has grown you, changed you, and continues to develop you into the amazing woman you have become. I see so much of your mom in this post, the wisdom that comes flowing from your mouth (or fingers, in this case) that I so often heard from her, and neither of you pause long enough to see it as that – just God’s amazing touch on your lives – but the rest of us see it and stand in awe of what He’s doing in your lives. You bring me to tears, but tears of joy, of hope, of amazing grace and peace through so much pain you’ve bore in your life that I can’t even fathom for more than just a second before it breaks my heart. I love you, Becca Axtell Burda, friend and playmate of my youth – I’m oh so blessed to have you in my life, even if it’s 2500 miles away. God knew what He was doing when He put you in my path…literally and figuratively. And those two precious little girls are going to “rise up and call you blessed…” as you three girls have done for your mother. What a legacy…Love you sweet friend.

    Reply
  2. becca2004 Post author

    ah, you are too sweet :o) I often think the same about you and your sisters. The struggles and things you have each overcome. I am always learning from you 4 lovely ladies….especially your determination and persevering heart. Love you too, friend ;o)

    Reply

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