Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when longing is fulfilled, it is the tree of life. -Proverbs 13:12
The day before we left for Colorado in early December I got a positive pregnancy test. It’s funny how after you’ve had miscarriages you quickly turn your thoughts from “we’re pregnant” to “I got a positive pregnancy test.”
I knew that with this positive test there would be lots of appointments and decisions to be made. I decided that on our trip to Colorado that I would just relax,have fun, and not think about what was ahead.
On December 21st I was scheduled for my first sonogram. At only 6 weeks pregnant they would be able to tell me if it was a viable pregnancy. The morning of my sonogram I was filled with such anxiety….nervous about it being a viable pregnancy, nervous about it being in the “right” place, and nervous about starting my Lovenox injections and being on an anticoagulant.
Several months ago my step mom gave me a wonderful devotional called, “Jesus Calling.” On the morning of my sonogram, I opened up this book and flipped to the page for December 21st. I read it and immediately felt as if the words jumped right of the page and were meant just for me…..ever have that happen? The words I read lifted my anxiety and gave me great peace! This is what I read…..
“My plan for your life is unfolding before you. Sometimes the road you are traveling seems blocked, or it opens up so painfully slowly that you must hold yourself back. Then, when the time is right, the way before you suddenly clears- through no effort of your own. What you have longed for and worked for I present to you freely, as pure gift. You feel awed by the ease with which I operate in the world, and you glimpse My Power and My Glory.
Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My Strenght to sustain you, expect to see miracles~ and you will! ” -from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young
I wish I could say that after this, my faith didn’t faulter….but, that wouldn’t be entirely true. I had some rough days where I really struggled. I still had fears and anxiety about the unknowns, but on these days I was always lead back to the words I read on December 21st. It has been a constant struggle with me and I have to make a daily effort to start every day off right in prayer- if I don’t, it’s not a pretty sight! I have felt God’s hand in this entire situation and pregnancy even before making the decision to conceive again. He has guided my every step and it’s the most amazing journey I’ve ever been on….and it’s all documented through the keeping of several prayer journals dating all the way back to the month before Presley was conceived. He’s had to change things in me and mold me in ways I didn’t know needed molding. He has spoken to my heart over and over again and it brings me such joy! Even when I have doubted, He has brought me back. Just yesterday, He used my sweet 2 1/2 year old during our sonogram to show me that I need to continue on in hope….believing wholeheartedly in God’s goodness. (the sweetest story that I hope to share one day) 🙂 I am so excited about what the future holds for this little growing family of ours. 🙂