A few weeks ago, Bethany Hamilton (the girl from Soul Surfer) spoke at our church. She is only 21, but what an amazing young woman. She seemed very young, yet so mature in her relationship with God. She said something during her conversation with my pastor that has really stuck with me the past few weeks. She said, “fear is a gnarly thing, it can take you captive and keep you from achieving your goals.” I love that she used the word “gnarly” because it just shows her authenticity, and I love that she said this because there is so much truth behind it. I can recall on several occasions throughout my life when I have made decisions based on fear….fear of the unknown or the what ifs. Thankfully, I am also reminded of several decisions (good decisions) I have made in my life because of the fear I have overcome.
I have been reading Angie Smith’s book, “What Women Fear: Walking in Faith that Transforms” and have yet to put it down. It’s a book that I think every woman should read because I think we all deal with fear in some form or another every day.
As I am getting ready to meet with my doctors in a few weeks I am feeling very fearful of the unknown. The funny thing is is that a few weeks ago I was pretty much certain that Joey and I would try for a second child. I had complete peace about it and didn’t give it a second thought. However, after meeting with my retinal specialist I have felt little seeds of doubt enter my mind. I love what I read today in Angie’s book and I can so relate to this….
“I am someone who lives in a constant state of worry about the future, and it’s something I have to commit to the Lord many times a day. I fear that He has somehow forgotten me and that I’m on my own. I take matters into my own hands but He reminds me that He hasn’t gone anywhere. There is always a moment in time when I can feel His gentle voice reassuring me, but it’s usually hindsight that brings relief instead of trust in the moment. I long to be a woman who walks into the moment God has given me, with full confidence in what’s to come. I know it isn’t always going to look the way I want it to, but I long to internalize the fact that He is never going to forsake me or take his hands off me.” -Angie Smith
Hindsight is always 20/20 and I always think to myself….”why did I worry about that? or “had I just known now what I didn’t know then.” I am sure I could go on and on about all of the “hindsights” in my life, but the truth is what Angie said, “it’s usually hindsight that brings relief instead of trust in the moment.” My current circumstances will definitely be one where I will have to walk completely by faith, step out in hope, and walk in the moment with my eyes on the One I trust.
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Cor. 10:5