A Crumbling Tower

Thanks to those of you who are walking with me through the dramas of life. Yesterday, I doubled over in pain after MOPS. I immediately called my doctor who got me in right away for a sonogram. They found a mass in my uterus and a cyst on my ovary. I was not a happy camper…. let’s just say that I had some words with God. There were several things mentioned as to what this “mass” might be, but today my doctor called and said that most likely it is left over tissue from my last pregnancy that has grown and multiplied. This, of course, is very rare but it can happen. Well, let me just say that the words “very rare” mean absolutely nothing to me. Very rare things have been happening to me and my family since I can remember so nothing is too rare for me…except meat! Anyways, after a few days of blood work and another detailed sonogram on Monday we will know more as to what is going on.

Last Sunday we went to Gateway Church in Southlake because their former assistant pastor, Brady Boyd, was going to be speaking. In 2007, he was called to pastor New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. You may remember hearing about this church on the news. 100 days after Pastor Boyd had been at this church a 24 year old gunman came into their church with the intent on killing as many Christians as he could. He killed two teenage girls and their father in the parking lot of the church before entering the church and opening fire in the foyer. He then proceeded to head down the children’s wing of the church where he was stopped by a very brave security guard. The 24 year old man ended up taking his own life before the police could get there.

The entire time I was listening to Pastor Boyd I was thinking to myself, “man, I wish so and so were here to hear this.” I came up with lots of names that I thought, in my mind, should be sitting right where I was sitting and hearing the words that I was hearing. Well, it was very apparent to me yesterday that the “so and so’s” in my life were not meant to be there, but I was! I’m sure God was thinking to himself, “how about you let me determine who goes where and hears what…while you just sit and listen.”

Pastor Boyd asked several questions that have really stuck with me these past few days. He asked, “How do you feel about God when He doesn’t live up to your expectations? Do you continue to trust Him when your questions go unanswered? Do you continue to worship Him? It’s during the difficult times in your life that continuing to trust Him and worship Him becomes a choice rather than an automatic response.”

It’s easy for me to trust God when I have a glimpse into what His purpose is. For instance, when I developed a blind spot in my eye I was not upset, but rather relieved that I didn’t lose all of my sight. Knowing that God protected my sight gave me great peace of mind and insight into His protection over me. I also have the mindset that things could always be worse. I have several friends and family who are dealing with much more difficult situations than I am, but I felt like this situation that I was thrown into yesterday just set me off. It’s kind of like when you watch your child build a tower of blocks. It’s always the last tiny block that they put on the top that makes the whole tower come tumbling down….that’s kind of what I felt like. Today, I have a little better perspective. This mass inside me is not necessarily a hardship, but rather a nuisance. A nuisance that sent the stack of pain crumbling down around me….a nuisance that I really don’t feel like dealing with!

God has definitely put several friends in my path these past 2 days that have given me perspective and insight into what is important and where my focus should be. I am so grateful for those of you who have showered me with prayers….you are a true blessing!

Now Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. –Hebrews 11:1

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