This was the verse that I was lead to when I first found out that I was pregnant this past January. It is also the verse that has been “popping” up in my life every time I turn around…in church services, books I read, Bible Studies I attend, etc. Has that ever happened to you before? OR…Have you ever read a passage in the Bible, heard something on the radio, or sat in church where you felt like the words you were hearing were meant for you and you alone?
Last year, I became involved in a bible study at a local church around the corner from my house. I had been looking for a Beth Moore bible study group and could not find one anywhere in my area so finally I came upon the “Crossroads Bible Church” website. They had several Bible studies going on and several Beth Moore studies. The one thing that I absolutely love about this church is that they open their arms and hearts to everyone in the community. It so happens that this church is also where I attend my MOPS group. I love the outreach programs at this church. They make it so easy for moms to get involved and stay involved during the day. They have different Bible Studies, mommy groups, and outreach programs during the week. These programs bring in women from different churches from all over Flower Mound.
Last year, I did Beth Moore’s Esther study, and then this past fall I did her Breaking Free study. I learned so much from both of these studies and grew so much in my faith. This semester I am doing one of her older studies called Living Beyond Yourself. It is a study that focuses on the fruits of the spirit. I wasn’t thrilled about doing this study at first, as I wanted to do one of her newer studies…Daniel or Revelations. However, this study has been life changing and has met me right where I am today. The amazing thing is that each week has been perfectly timed with the circumstances surrounding my life. For instance, we studied love and joy during the weeks that I found out I was pregnant. We studied peace during the week that I was consumed with fear about the blood clot in my eye… and amazingly enough, this week, we are studying about experiencing patience and perseverance in the midst of difficult or painful circumstances! Talk about God’s perfect timing.
Again, I go back to what I have said before in a previous post, I know that there is a God because He has shown himself to me through the experiences I’ve had in my life. He has always proved himself faithful and good, and he has always made things beautiful in His time. I truly believe that God’s hand is in every situation surrounding my life and that His plan is bigger and better than mine. Yes, Joey and I were very disappointed in losing another baby and things have been up and down for me emotionally. BUT, I also have no doubt that God knows what He is doing. I truly trust in Him and choose to wait on Him and His perfect timing.
Right now, Joey and I are in limbo a bit. We will not be making any decisions concerning the future. We have decided to give it all to God and just wait. I will be seeing a specialist and getting lots of blood work done in the next month or two. So, we will wait to see what the blood test reveals before making any decisions about the future. Of course I have hopes, dreams, and desires, but sometimes those hopes, dreams, and desires need some tweaking….tweaking by God’s mighty hand. So, I choose to just rest and trust in Him fully.
I would ask for prayers, but I am not sure if I can be specific in my requests…sometimes what we think we want isn’t really what we need. For instance, when my mom was diagnosed with Brain cancer we prayed and prayed that it was just in one area of the brain and that there was no sign of cancer anywhere else in the body. When really, we should have been praying the opposite. So, while I am excited to get answers to why I am miscarrying…I am also hesitant to pray for something that might be better off just left unknown. Would having no answers be better than having all of the answers? We, as humans, always want reasons and answers to everything. If we can’t understand it then it’s just a reminder that we are completely helpless, in need of God’s help. Would having the answers as to “why” this has happened allow me to carry full term? Maybe, but maybe not. I carried Presley full term without any answers. So, it’s like my husband says, “God is going to do what He is going to do, regardless of the answers we have or don’t have.” Simply put, but so very true!
God is bigger than any diagnoses and He is certainly bigger than any unanswered questions. In the end, my response will still be the same with or without a diagnoses…stepping out in complete faith and trusting in Him. So, that is where we are today in regards to what the future holds for us concerning another child. 😉 It’s all in God’s hands….