In the summer of 1998, I had the opportunity to work as a “coach” (camp counselor) at T Bar M Christian sports camp in New Braunfels. From the moment I stepped foot onto the camp grounds my life changed forever. My mom had passed away 14 months prior and up to that point I had not yet been hit by the grief bug. I was still in the “shock” stage of it, I guess. I distinctly remember a flood of emotion coming over me as soon as I walked onto the grounds of this camp and out of my comfort zone. I remember being frozen with an overwhelming sense of emotion that pretty much stopped me dead in my tracks. I have often wished that I had dealt with my mom’s death either before or the months after I coached at this camp, but I also realize that God had me in the right place at exactly the right time. I was in a place where I knew NO ONE and no one knew who I was or anything about me. You would think, at the most difficult time in my life, God would have surrounded me with all of my best friends and all of the people that I was closest with, but he didn’t. Ironically it was the men and women at this camp (young and old) who touched my life and changed me forever.
I think that God will often bring us to a place of complete brokenness before he is able to rebuild us and heal us. It is so hard for me to share my heartaches with even those closest to me and so I remember being extremely angry that God had “thrown me to the wolves”… forcing me to open up and rely on people that I had never even met. I was at a place in my life that I was completely broken and it was evident to everyone around me. Needless to say, that summer ended up being the best summer of my life. I had two little girls in my cabin one week who were both dealing with the same kind of grief that I was…except at a much younger age. I was blown away by the faith these two little girls possessed, even in the midst of loosing a mom at the age of 7 and an older sister at the age of 9.
Every morning I woke up early and had a quiet time to myself. It was during this time that many verses of the Bible became near and dear to my heart. The words seemed to come alive and jump right off the page meeting me right where I was in my daily brokeness. One morning I was dealing with great heartache, pain, and uncertainty about my future. I opened up my Bible and started reading Psalms 5. It was on this morning that I read Psalm 5:3- In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my request before you and wait in expectation. I can’t even begin to tell you what kind of an impact this verse had on me at that moment. I would have to go into great detail just to shed light on how it changed my life, my way of thinking, and how it has molded my life. It was the most perfect verse, with the most perfect words, and it was given to me at the most perfect time in my life. I have read this verse so many times since then and have had it plastered all over my walls and mirrors in every house I have ever lived in. I kept it forever hidden in my heart by memorizing it and leaning on it during the most difficult times in my life. Many times people will ask me if I know of a good verse or a verse that got me through the hard times. It is always so difficult to come up with “a verse” because I truly believe that God’s Word is just what it says it is…the living word. I think different verses will speak to different people at different times in their lives. It is just a matter of being in it and reading it.
Psalm 5:3 is a verse that I go to almost weekly…especially when I am filled with doubt about what the future holds, or when I start to doubt if my prayers are being heard. It is the verse that keeps me grounded in my faith and on my knees in prayer (even if my mornings only allow for a quick 2 minute prayer at times). This blog is a way for me to capture the moments of our life while we wait in expectation as a family to see what God has in store for us. 😉