This is kind of a personal blog, but I am feeling very greatful to my precious Savior, Jesus Christ, for his protection over me these past few weeks. The reason I go into such detail is because I believe that you can truly see God’s hand at work from the very beginning!
This past month I have had a really “uneasy” feeling. I even remember telling Joey that I felt like something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. I kept telling him that I felt “different”, but couldnt quite figure it out. He suggested that I go see my dr., in his words, “maybe its something that if caught early can be easily fixed.” I told him that I had a drs appointment already set up for the 17th of September and I would just wait.
Last week, I had a very scary episode. I passed out Tuesday morning and was taken to the ER where Joey and I found out that I was pregnant! Both of us were bewildered for several reasons, but we were still thrilled…even with Presley only being 4 month old! At the ER, I asked them to bring in a sonographer because I had been having really bad cramping and spotting. I was pretty sure that I was miscarrying. The specialist were unable to see anything on the sonogram so they suggested I see my dr in 2 days.
On Thursday, I went to my dr. where I was diagnosed with having an ectopic pregnancy. The dr gave me 2 options…surgery or a shot to dissolve the ectopic on my own. I took her advice and decided on the shot. As I was heading home, I began to have a very “uneasy” feeling and was sure that I had made the wrong decision. I know how quickly an ectopic pregnancy can turn into a very serious life threatening situation.
Later that night, I began having severe pain…let’s just say I was asking Joey for an epidural! It was the worst pain I have ever felt. We went back and forth about going to the ER. I called my dad, my dr, and Jean asking them for advice. Every time I got up I would feel dizzy and it progessively got worse. I also had severe pain in my neck…which was “displaced pain” from internal bleeding. Everyone tells me not to read the internet, but sometimes it acts as a great tool 🙂 We decided to head to the ER. As I was heading out to the car, I collapsed in Joey’s arms. I have passed out before and this felt very different. It was so scary to me. It felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on my head. I couldn’t hear anything or see much. All I remember is praying to God and begging him to let me be a mom to my little girl. I said it over and over and over again. I faintly heard Joey say “ummm, and a wife to me!” Woops! I was thinking that too, but was focused on Presley at the time. I do remember turning to Joey and basically saying my goodbyes…which did not set well with him. As soon as EMS got there they gave me an IV and got my blood pressure stable. They were unable to give me anything for the pain because of fear that I would “crash” again.
When I got to the hospital, Dr. Lopez (who was on-call for my doctor) was already at the hospital waiting to talk with me. Previously, My dr had met with the sonographer specialist and Dr Lopez when reviewing my case earlier that day so everyone that was working on me for that night was “up to date” and aware of everything going on with me. I had another transvaginal sonogram where they found an empty gestational sac within my right ovary that measured 6 weeks. The embryo blew out my ovary which was causing all of the internal bleeding. Dr. Lopez brought in a second opinion team to review my case. She was such a “God-send.” She sat and talked with me for the time leading up to surgery. She calmed my nerves and talked with me for quite awhile. After talking with me, she went against the “second opinion” team and decided to do emergency surgery. Thank goodness she did!!!!! They removed my right ovary and tube. I am feeling better now. Although, I am still anxious about being left alone, but lucky for me I have wonderful sisters and friends 🙂
Soon after surgery, I began replaying the events that had taken place the last few days. I had a flood of emotions, and fear come over me. I immediately thought about all of the “what ifs.” What if…I hadn’t passed out Tuesday, what if I hadn’t gone to the ER that day, what if I had not started bleeding that morning, what if I hadn’t asked for the sonogram in the ER, what if Dr. Lopez wouldn’t have been on call…and the list goes on and on and on. I am very familiar with the “what ifs” in life and I am fully aware that they can pretty much destroy you and your faith….especially when losing a loved one. I remember losing my mom and immediately (Im talking within minutes) the “what ifs” began to fill my mind. I immediately had to walk away from those thoughts because I knew it would destroy me from within. At that moment, I was determined not to question God or ask the question “why?” Now, that doesn’t mean I didn’t go to God in anger or pain or fear…it just means that I never questioned His intent because the truth of the matter is is that I wont ever have that question answered until I am standing before Him.
I write all of this in detail because you can always go through life wondering about the “what ifs” but I look back and truly see God’s hand at work…even when I wasn’t aware of everything that was going on inside me. I consider it such a blessing to have been raised in a Christian family because through out my life I have been able to look back on several occasions and see the hand of God at work within me and around me. There are so many people who don’t know Jesus and do not have a personal relationship with Him, and when things happen in their life they will usually say it was just “fate, luck, or karma.” I CHOOSE to have a relationship with my Savior and I know that He was and is at work within me… from the very moment that I accepted Him into my life. I look back on situations and circumstances that have surrounded me and there is no doubt in my mind that Jesus is Lord…that He is who He says he is in His ONE true Word. He has been so faithful to my family and He has shown Himself to us so many times. And even when His answers to our prayers have been “no” He has still been faithful to make ALL things beautiful in His time. This situation has made Joey and I so much closer and I adore him for all he is. I love watching God work in his life and I love being able to see Him work in our marriage. I can not wait to watch Him work in the life of my little girl…what a wonderful thing to be able to just sit back and watch! I often think back on the influence my mom and dad had on me while I was growing up and I can only hope to have that same kind of influence in the life of my own child. 🙂
What a comfort HE is…Romans 8 🙂